Why is it that after 30 years, the death of my mother is more horrific than if she had died in a car accident? Why is this tragedy so profound that it evokes some higher level of grief and sorrow?
After 30 years, I think I finally understand. It's not only that she died, nor that part of my family died, or that she was robbed of her life, or we were robbed of her, but that part of the entire city died that night. Everyone has a story that story extends with more heartbreak and challenges than what occurs with simple death, if there can ever be a simple death.
Because of the chaos, she was missing for 3 days before someone identified her body in the morgue. Maybe it was the denial that took someone 3 days to consider going there to check, or that they hadn't received all the bodies yet - or our hoping that maybe she was lost, wandering around with amnesia.
It's more profound because the funeral home was so crowded with others that died, scheduling viewings were difficult. It's not knowing what exactly killed her. Did her neck break? Was her heart crushed? An injury to the head? That mourning all of the dead, all of them, from the couple my parents went with to the dance who died, to the secretary in my father's office who also died, everybody knew someone - nobody went untouched from experiencing the shock, the disbelief and encompassing loss.
It was the stories, the stories of the broken pipes and there was so much blood the water ran pink. The stories how my fathers legs broke not by the fall, but during the rescue when the crane caused the fallen skywalk to put pressure on his legs strong enough to break them, even though he told the rescue workers "If you raise that one more time you will break my legs".
It was being strong for all of the others pain, my 17 year old sister, my brother and my father and for the community. Seeing their sorrow, having neighbors cry on my shoulders and leaning on me for their tears.
After 30 years, I now understand why I still even today get comments of sympathy (although I waive them off). It's the enormity of the disaster, the cumulation everybody's pain. It was challenges of the time and the experience of everyone's mourning that made my mother's death more horrific than if she had died in a car accident.
I honor and appreciate those that were there that night, that are working to honor those that died via the Skywalk Memorial and those that tried to comfort me.
http://youtu.be/yoGGMdktsRM - Great video about it.
